life without instagram

CONTENT WARNING: In this post I will reflect on why I am glad I left Instagram. If that stirs up feelings in you such as “but Instagram is FINE FOR ME” then this is probably not the post for you. Go and enjoy Instagram, I really don’t give a shit. This is for those of us ready to quit, at least for some extended period of time.

dabbing before doing the last 4 miles of the Camino

This summer, my little sister and I hiked the Portuguese route of the Camino de Santiago for the 2nd time. As of posting this, we have been home for about 2 weeks. This go-round on the Camino was my first major (read: highly Instagrammable) trip without Instagram. And honestly? It felt incredible to enjoy the trip, take lots of pictures, and spend zero mental energy on which one with which caption would get the most likes.1

I quit the site partway through 2022, got back on briefly in late 2022 to share that I got engaged, and have not touched the site since late September 2022. Seeing as I’m coming up on a full year of no Instagram, I found myself reflecting on my time away from it while on the Camino.

Come along for a peek inside my Camino journal.

(Before I get started, it’s worth saying that I have not deleted my account. I have simply blocked the website on all my computers, and have deleted the app from my phone. I don’t know if I’ll get back on or not, so that’s why I haven’t gone as far as deleting it.)

Almost 1 year sober from the ‘gram

It’s been wild watching my peers “get used to” my not being on Instagram, for lack of better phrasing. On the whole, people understand why I don’t want to be on the ‘gram, and no one really gives me shit for it.

What I do get, however, is a ton of defensiveness. I get lots of hemming and hawing about how they have nanny apps installed that cut off their access at a certain time, or how they only do stories, not posts, or how they only follow dog accounts or their favorite comedians so it’s actually fine okay!!!

And I suppose it’s really saying much more about me than them that I read defensiveness into that style of response. I, after all, quit Instagram because I feel it brought out the worst in me. I feel it made it too easy for me to judge my friends and acquaintances, and I feel it made it too easy for me to develop baseless insecurities in my friendships.

Like oh, homegirl has time to post about stupid shit she did today but no time to fuckin ask me how my day was? When she knows I am having the single most chaotic and terrifying year & change of my adult life?2 When she is well fucking aware that I am facing the loss of a second parent before I turn 30? She can’t send me a single stupid “hey homie how’s the day been” but she can post her hot takes on the ‘gram? Gotcha.

⬆️That type of nasty internal monologue was what was frequently in my head while on Instagram, especially in the first half of 2022. It’s not pretty, and I’m not proud of it.

I certainly did not bother to remember at the time the well-documented fact that humans are always too wrapped up in their own shit to make consistently accurate assessments of the support their friends need and act accordingly. Myself very much included in this fact.

I did not remember the fact that social media posting does not preclude people from also being caring, involved friends. And in fact, many people do both with no issue.

Never mind any of that, because when I am hurting and lonely I want my mind to be read and I do not want to submit myself to the constant humiliation of asking for what I need. Definitely do not mind the fact that when I ask for what I need, I tend to get it. This is because I have good friends and a more wonderful husband than I could have hoped for.

For me, Instagram makes it hard to be aware of all those human truths. Instead, all I feel is the angriest, most petulant, most lonely version of myself. I’ve always been an outside-looking-in sort of person, and Instagram simply exacerbates that feeling. I really don’t like the person I am when I’m on that godforsaken app.

All of these reasons to quit are deeply personal and individual. I think Instagram has caused more harm than good in the world. But I am smart enough to know that each person’s experience of social media will be as deeply individual and nuanced as my own. I’m certainly not the arbiter of who should be on and off of the ‘gram.

At a certain point, my presence and behavior on that app felt compulsive and like an addiction. I don’t regret putting that app down, and I don’t know when or if I’ll ever pick it up again.

Happy almost one year of Instagram sobriety to me. See you next week, & don’t forget to subscribe. 🤪

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1

Clearly I’m still posting it on Substack but I receive a single “like” on maybe 25% of my posts so it doesn’t really feel the same here. do with that what you will.

2

I really wouldn’t recommend having a parent essentially speedrun Alzheimer’s and its full decline in 7 months instead of the usual years. It’s horrible. Nor would I recommend sustaining a major sports injury permanently altering your body at the same time as the whole speedrunning Alzheimer’s thing.